Wide Awake
by CleopatrasDream
Summary: Based 4 years after Sian learned of Sophie and Amber causing her to leave Weatherfield.
1. Chapter 1

**Sophie's POV**

Looking around the crowded dance floor at all the bodies moving together, seeking out the one I'm going to favour over the rest just for tonight, knowing that after that I'll never see them again. The harder the task of getting them seems, the more it makes me want to succeed, it's become like a challenge, something to distract myself. All I'm looking for is sex, it may seem harsh, but I never promise them anything, in fact I barely speak to them. I never go for blondes though. I don't want even the slightest detail of them to remind me of her so I pick those who are as different to her as possible.

As I glance further across the club, I spot a petite redhead over in the far corner dancing with a group of friends and I see her looking at me. She's definitely attractive, very attractive in fact and she knows it too. I'm not the only one looking at her either, numerous eyes around the club are watching her as she moves her body to the music and she's revelling in the attention, but I already know that she's leaving with me.

Making my way over to the bar, I order a shot of Sambuca and down it as soon as it's placed in front of me, before making my way through the crowd to the dance floor. As I approach the red head who is still dancing, her eyes meet mine as she glances up and she smiles as I get closer.

''Hey.'' she says as I stand in front of her.

''Hey.'' I reply keeping eye contact. 'Fancy a drink?' I ask as I nod towards the bar.

''Yeah.'' She smiles widely as I move aside for her to walk past me, and she leaves the company of her friends. I can feel the gazes of the many guys that have probably been planning an approach at some stage burning into me, as we make our way to the bar.

''So, what do you fancy?'' I ask as I gesture for the barman to come over.

''Well… what I fancy isn't that side of the bar.'' she responds as I turn to look at her and she gives a flirtatious smile. Holding her gaze for few seconds longer, I see that familiar glint in her eye. She really is beautiful, but it still doesn't matter, I still know that tomorrow I'll already be forgetting about her. In the past I felt bad about using them, spending one night with them and then never seeing them again, but then I realised, they're using me too right? When they agree to leave with me, or end up in the bathrooms with me after only having met me 20 minutes before, some may just be looking for fun, some just for a release on a night out and then others are looking for the exact same thing as me, an escape from reality, even if just for a moment.

''Wanna get outta here?'' I ask as she nods. ''Come on.'' I say as I take her hand and lead her towards the exit. Her hand doesn't feel like the perfect fit in mine, she doesn't rub her thumb over my hand, she doesn't… I instantly stop my thoughts that are trying to invade my mind again, and I focus on moving out of this club and towards the taxi rank.

''Nice place.'' I state taking a quick look around as we enter her apartment. ''So, where's the bedroom?'' I ask as she closes the front door.

''Second door on the right, you want a drink or something?'' she asks as she turned around. Ignoring her, I merely grab her hand and pull her down the hallway in the direction of her bedroom.

For some reason, lately I've been thinking more and more about the person I so badly wish I still had in my life. Obviously, I've thought about her a lot during the past four years, but more recently, not more than a few minutes would go by without something reminding me of her, or a memory of our time together being triggered, or one of her many little habits popping into my head. If I'm honest, it's almost like torture to me, because as much as I know I don't deserve to forget what I did and how bad I hurt her, I really do just want to feel at peace for a short time without having to feel the guilt of my betrayal and lies eating away at me.

So every time I go out I end up leaving the club, the bar, or wherever I am, with a different girl. Sometimes I don't even catch their names, or if I do, I don't remember it. My main focus is to not think about what I lost, what I destroyed, what my life could have been like had I not made the biggest mistake of my life. Just for the brief time I spend with each of the strangers, I try to give myself a break from not allowing myself to feel anything good, from hurting, from knowing that I could have been happy, but it never works. Before I know it, I come crashing back to reality, wishing I could take it all back, feeling like once again I've cheated, cheated on her, cheated on what we had.

To someone on the outside looking in, it would probably seem like an unusual way of living, I probably look like a player without a care in the world, keeping to myself most of the time, picking up random women just to get a release and enjoying my own little world. But on the inside I'm trying to find a way to get over the fact that I actually lost my world a long time ago.

December 29th 2011. A day I will always regret… the day I let her walk out of my life. I questioned my commitment to her, my commitment to our future, but the one thing I never questioned, the one thing that I never doubted for even one second was my love for her. I gave my heart to her six years ago with a promise that I'd love her forever and to this day that promise remains, my heart will always belong to her and will never be reclaimed.

Since the day she left I've never even considered allowing myself to feel something for anyone else, I could never love anyone the way I loved her. I was too late in realising that what I thought I felt for someone else was just me being young, naïve and looking for excitement and some attention, when all I had to do was look at the person I already had, the one that always stood by me through everything and I would have realised that she was all I needed, the only one I truly wanted. But instead I let myself believe that I had feelings for someone else, someone that was just messing with my mind, playing games.

While the person I truly loved was working hard at college, trying to make something of herself, trying to build a future for us, I allowed myself to spend more and more time with someone who just manipulated me for her own amusement. Ended up that she won her game, while I lost my everything.

If I could go back and change it I would, but I know that's not possible and I have to live with what I did. The last image I have of her is as she was driven away in her mum's car, her eyes red from crying, make-up smudged, tears streaming down her cheeks but still looking as beautiful as she always did. I still remember the last words she said to me… 'I hate you'. She's always told me that she could never hate me, so actually hearing those words leave her mouth, made my heart ache knowing how much I must have hurt her.

I know I can't have her back, I know she's probably over me and has a new life by now, heck she probably doesn't even give me a second thought. I've been torturing myself for the past four years and all I want to do is be able to move on like she clearly has, but I can't, so I do the only thing I can do… I simply live.

Since she left, I quit my job at Dev's shop and tried going back to college, but that only lasted two months before I started skipping and eventually got kicked out again. After that I met Paul and Benny, they're good blokes really but we have gotten into quite a bit of trouble together over the last couple of years, some of it fun, some of it dangerous and some of it we can't even remember but we've got the scars to prove it happened. Recently, I'd started doing some admin work at one of the local offices, but given my track record, I'm pretty sure it won't be long before I'm job hunting again. I pretty much just work to survive. I've got no reason to do otherwise, no great plans for my future. She was my future and I don't want any other one.

I never fall asleep with them, which is why when this girl finally falls asleep in the early hours of the morning, the regret immediately sets in and I turn my head away from the still nameless redhead next to me before I glance at the clock, 4:37am. I need to get out of here and I'm not in the mood for the whole 'Can I call you?' conversation which never goes well. I quickly grab my clothes from the floor and my phone from the bedside locker and make my way over to the door and quietly ease the handle down before I slip out. I don't like to stay the night with any of them, and I always leave as soon as I can, usually when they're asleep so it's a quicker exit.

Every night I dream of her, so on the one occasion that I fell asleep in one of their beds, when I woke up in the morning and saw someone else where she should have been, my stomach churned with guilt, disgust at myself, and it actually made me run straight to the bathroom to throw up.

As soon as I walk into my own apartment, I see Paul and Benny in the living room playing poker. They don't live with me, but they do spend a lot of their time here and they've become like family.

''Well someone doesn't look too happy.'' Benny states as he notices me walk in. ''What's up, not manage to pull a bird or something?'' he laughs knowing full well that I will of course have pulled, but as usual expecting the gossip of my night which I never reveal. I suppose if I was a true player I'd take pride in how many women I actually sleep with and be happy to share all the juicy details of what I'd done with them. But I'm not a true player, and I'm certainly not proud of what I do but it's all I can do to keep myself from going crazy.

''I'm going to bed.'' I say as I point in the direction of my bedroom.

''That knackering was it?'' he says with a smirk as I flip him the finger as I walk towards my bedroom, hearing him laugh.

Hearing laughter and shouting coming from the living room, I stir from my sleep and grab my phone to check the time, 10:16am. Explains the light trying to creep through the curtains. Noticing I've also got new messages, I sit up in bed rubbing my eyes as I open the inbox.

Seeing one new message from Rosie, I frown slightly. She never sends me texts anymore, well not in months. Not since we had a huge argument about her interfering in my life and how I live it. So if she's texting me now, it's either something really important, or she's completely bored and there's no one else around her right now for her to annoy.

_Soph_

_I need to see you this weekend. Can you come home?_

_Rosie_

Is she insane? It's already Saturday morning. She expects me to travel to Weatherfield and cram in a few hours, before I have to come back here and be back in work on Monday morning? No way. The only time my family spent together in the past two years has been filled with arguments, even when I agreed to spend Christmas there last year I ended up leaving before dinner because of all the arguing.

I quickly type a response back.

_Sorry Rosie,_

_Can't make it this weekend. Another time yeah?_

_Soph_

No sooner had I pressed to send the message, my phone starts to ring and Rosie's name flashes up. Sighing loudly, I clear my throat before I answer.

_''Hi Rosie.''_ I sigh down the phone.

_''Sophie, I really need to speak to you.''_

_''You're speaking to me Rosie, what is it?''_

_''I need to speak to you in person. If you won't come home, then I'll come to you. Where you staying now?''_

_''I can't do this we-''_ Before I have a chance to finish my sentence, she interrupts me.

_''Sophie Webster, tell me where you're staying or so help me I'll-''_

_''Okay okay, jesus Rosie!''_ I know what she can be like when she doesn't get what she wants, and knowing my luck she'd end up finding me anyway and bringing Mum and Dad along for the ride too.

I finally give in and tell her my address so she can travel down later today and visit me. I still don't know what it is she wants to talk about, but she made me promise her that I'll be in at 7pm, so that's pretty much thrown a spanner in the works for a night out, cos' god knows when Rosie starts talking, I'll be here for hours. Well if I'm gonna be stuck in and listening to Rosie, I may as well have some drinks in, I think to myself as I make my way to the bathroom to get ready to go to the shops.


	2. Chapter 2

**General POV**

After buying a bunch of different drinks, including wine which she knew would be appreciated by Rosie, Sophie returned to her flat where the guys were still sat in the living room.

''Do you guys ever go to sleep.'' she asked as she made her way past them towards the kitchen.

''Nope, we're playing poker, want in on the next hand?''

''Nah, I gotta get ready before Rosie gets here.''

''What, your sister Rosie? Benny asked, turning around in his seat to look at the Brunette.

''Yeah.''

''You mean your hot sister the model, Rosie, is coming here?''

''Yes, my sister is coming here, but you two will not be here when she arrives.''

''What? Aw come on Webster, we've never met any of your family.''

''Yeah, and if I had a choice not even _she_ would be coming here, so just leave it alright.''

''Okay, okay.'' Benny raised his hands in defeat as Sophie let out a sigh and started unpacking the shopping bags. The guys were smart enough to know not to mess with the Brunette when it came to her family, and even more so when it came to the slightest mention of a particular Blonde she had refused to discuss for the past three years. For the first few months after they'd met Sophie, Sian was the only thing that was on her mind all the time, and they tried so hard to help her get over what had happened, thinking it was never going to happen, but eventually the Brunette started going out and stopped talking about her. They were happy for her at first, since it seemed like she had finally gotten over her, but in reality, they realised that she'd simply given up hope of finding happiness if she couldn't be with the one person she had loved more than anything else.

A few hours later and Sophie was sat waiting for Rosie to show up at the flat. She'd said 7pm and it had just gone 7:30pm when there was a knock at the door. With a fed up sigh, Sophie made her way to the door and opened it, revealing her sister who was dressed in what could only be described as the sluttiest outfit Sophie had ever seen.

''You're late.'' Sophie stated bluntly. ''You said seven.'' She was still annoyed that she was even having to allow Rosie to be there.

''Yeah, well it's still seven something.'' The older girl walked past her sister, without so much as a 'Sorry I'm late' and made her way into the kitchen and straight to the fridge. ''Amazing Babes, you have my favourite.'' she said happily, lifting a bottle of red wine out of the door.

''So, what is it you wanted to speak to me so urgently about?'' Sophie asked as she folded her arms in front of her chest and stood impatiently watching her sister searching through the cupboards for a glass, before finding one and making her way into the living room.

''Jeez, little sis, at least let me pour myself a drink first. I travelled all this way to see you.''

''And I didn't ask you to.''

''Still moody as always I see.'' Rosie stated, receiving a scowl from the younger girl, as she placed the bottle on to the table and lifted her glass to her lips, taking a sip before letting out a satisfied 'ahh' sound.

''Roseh!''

''Okay, okay! Look, this place is lovely an' all, but you think we can maybe go out and grab a drink and talk instead?''

''Are you kidding meh? I told the guys they had to be out tonight because you were comi-''

''Guys?'' Rosie interrupted, the mention of men catching her attention.

''You're unbelievable!''

''Aww, thanks Babes.''

''That wasn't a compliment. Why do you want to go out now anyway? You said you wanted to talk.''

''Yeah, I do, but I thought since I came all this way, maybe we could go out and you could show me the clubs you go to and we could have a proper catch up and then we could talk a bit later. Come on Soph, I've not seen you in ages.''

Sophie thought for a few moments, before letting out a sigh and reluctantly nodding. Whilst she wasn't in the mood to have her ears talked off by Rosie, she realised it would probably be made a lot easier if it was happening with a few drinks in her.

''Fine. Just… give me a few minutes, I'll just go change.'' The older sister let out squeal of excitement as Sophie agreed.

''And wear something sexy.'' Rosie shouted as the younger Brunette walked towards her bedroom.

A couple of hours later and the sisters had been at Sophie's favourite club for just over an hour. Like every other night out, Sophie had already found yet another girl, who like all the others would most likely help her forget the person she was constantly trying to keep her mind off for a few hours later on. When they'd arrived, the sisters had made their way to the bar to order drinks before finding a table, but it wasn't long before someone had caught the younger girl's eye. Having Rosie in town only made Sophie think more about the past and the stuff she didn't want to remember, and so at the first opportunity she had she had suggested they dance and eagerly followed by Rosie who loved to show off her moves. However, once on the dance floor, the young Brunette was quickly located by the same girl she'd spotted earlier who seemed to have also had her eye on her in return.

Rosie had objected at the new body that had appeared next to them, stating that they still needed to talk, but it was no use, Sophie's head was now elsewhere. This was definitely not the older sister's plan when she suggested they go out, and now as she watched her sister effortlessly flirting her way into another girl's bed for the evening, she looked down at her phone checking the time before back to the girls in front of her. She only hoped that they at least planned on getting to know each other bit more before leaving the club.

Sophie had learnt that the girl she'd decided on for the night was named Alice, and it wasn't long before the other girl had decided on Sophie as well.

''So, you gonna take me back to yours?'' she asked. As Sophie opened her mouth to respond, she was suddenly halted as someone else beside them spoke.

''Or maybe she could take me.'' The voice made Sophie's head whip to the side, she knew that voice well, and it could only be one person, since no one else ever sounded as sweet.

''_Sian_…'' Sophie whispered out, her voice getting caught in her throat.

For a few moments, she felt like she'd lost her ability to speak as she looked at the beauty that stood beside her, before she was suddenly brought back to reality by raised voices.

''How about you get outta here love, we're in the middle of something.''

''Really? Cos' all I can see occurring here is desperation.''

''Excuse me?! By the looks of it you're nothing special, so what makes you think she'd be interested in you?''

''Don't talk to her like that!'' Sophie suddenly spoke out at the girl who was clearly set on having the Brunette to herself that night. She'd never allowed anyone to speak to Sian like that when they were together, and even now after a split second of her being back in her life again, even completely unexpectedly, she still wasn't willing to let anyone disrespect the Blonde.

''What? Don't tell me you prefer this… skank, over me.''

''Don't say one more wor-'' Sophie could feel herself getting angry, but then a hand was placed gently against her arm.

''Soph.'' Just the simple stating of her name and the smallest of touches was enough to make her calm down, just as it always had been, and she turned to look into the bright blue eyes that were watching her. ''She's not worth it.''

Snorting out a laugh, the raven haired girl took Sophie's drink from her hand. ''Forget it, you two are welcome to each other'' she spat out as she walked away.

''Wow! Nice pick there Soph.'' Sian stated, as they watched the angry girl leave.

Sophie turned to face the Blonde again. ''Sian… w-what are you doing here?''

''Geez, nice welcome back.''

''You know I don't mean it like that, I just… I mean…'' Knowing she was going to start rambling, she stopped and took a deep breath before she spoke again. ''It's been four years.''

For a few moments, both of them just stood and looked at each other, no words being spoken, no expectations from the other, no blame being directed, each of them just looked back at the person they once called their own, that was until a drunken body stumbled into them knocking them out of their gaze.

Sian cleared her throat, as she reminded herself of the reason she was there in the first place. ''So, you gonna take me to yours or what?'' The way she said it sounded harsh, which definitely wasn't the way she'd intended it to come across, she just panicked slightly when she realised they'd just had a moment, the kind of moment they hadn't had in over three years and whilst she had always suspected she did, it scared her to think of the effect Sophie still had on her even after such a long absence in her life.

Sophie's eyebrows shot up and she looked at the Blonde questionably.

''Sorry, I didn't mean it like that. I just, I think we need to talk, don't you?''

Sophie's face returned to normal, but she still couldn't quite believe that after four years, Sian had just appeared in front of her, offering to talk about the past. Even when Sophie had begged her to forgive her and had called and text her non-stop for weeks after the Blonde left, Sian had refused to acknowledge any of her attempts.

After she managed to stop her mind from spinning at the current situation, Sophie finally nodded in agreement and cleared her throat.

''Okay, erm… We can grab a taxi from outside.'' She gestured towards the exit of the club, seeing the Blonde nod before she started making her way through the growing crowd of clubbers. After a few steps of pushing through bodies, she felt a hand slip into her own and she was sure her heart skipped a few beats as she recognised it instantly. Just as it always had, the slightly smaller hand fitted perfectly into her own and a few moments later a thumb brushed delicately over the top of her hand, making her stomach flip more than once.

As soon as they were outside, Sian released her hold on Sophie's hand, much to the Brunette's disappointment, but the fact it had happened in the first place, even if it was to make sure they got through the crowd together, gave her hope, hope that there was at least a small chance that Sian wanted to have something between them, even friendship, as hard as she knew she would find that. They managed to get a taxi almost immediately, with the journey to Sophie's flat almost in silence, except for the radio station that was switched on by the driver, who was even starting to feel the awkward atmosphere.

As soon as they reached Sophie's flat, Sophie checked that Benny and Paul were still out, which luckily they were. ''Erm… make yourself at home.'' She told Sian, as she removed her jacket and threw over the back of one of the chairs.

Sian removed her own jacket, wrapping it over her forearm as she took a seat on the sofa. ''So, you going to pour us some drinks?'' she asked looking up at the younger girl who stood at the end of the sofa still looking like she'd seen a ghost.

''What would you like? I have some wine in that I bought earlier, or the guys probably have some beers.'' Sophie mumbled.

''Whatever you're having.''

As Sophie walked into the kitchen, her mind was spinning. She desperately wanted nothing more than to be able to talk about everything with Sian, but she was terrified. Not only was the girl in front of her the one thing she held most important in her life, but she was also the one person she had hurt more than anyone else, and she didn't know if it was possible to ever do enough to gain the Blonde's forgiveness and prove she'd never let anything like what did, happen again.

Sian looked around the living room, not seeing much that showed that the Brunette lived there, not even a book or two that she'd grown so used to seeing lying around the house back when they'd lived in Weatherfield. She began to wonder how much time Sophie actually spent there, where else she spent her time and with who. She knew full well that during the four years apart, her ex was bound to have been with others, and she also knew that she herself had also been in relationships since Sophie, but it didn't stop a feeling of jealousy rising in the pit of her stomach.

Her thoughts were interrupted as Sophie walked back into the living room and placed a glass down on the table in front of her, receiving a thanks from the Blonde, before standing and hovering awkwardly no the spot, unsure of what to do next.

''Come sit down Soph.'' Sian shuffled in her seat, as she bent one of her legs so it was under her and she was sitting sideways resting her elbow on the back of the sofa. Sophie made her way over and sat down next to her, leaving a space between them, still unsure of the situation.

Sian leaned over and picking up her drink from the table she took a sip, before raising her eyebrows and looking at the younger girl. ''Apple juice?'' she questioned, sure that Sophie would have chosen an alcoholic drink.

''I make mistakes Sian, and they only get worse when I drink.'' Sophie fidgeted with her fingers as she looked down. ''You have no idea how happy I am that you are willing talk to me now, but you shouldn't trust me.'' She was unable to bring herself to look the Blonde in the eye when she was referring to what had happened in the past.

''Maybe you're right, maybe I shouldn't trust you… but I do.'' Sophie snapped her head up to look at Sian, her eyes staring right back into her own. ''We were both different people back then Sophie, and I've always loved you… mistakes n' all... I never stopped.'' Sian could feel the tears trying to force themselves to the front of her eyes, but she wanted to be strong, she needed to get this out and she didn't want to break down.'' I tried to hate you, for so long after I left I told myself I should forget that you even existed, but I couldn't, nor even after four years. Hell, I broke up with Kyle because he couldn't deal with the fact I still had feelings for someone else.''

Sophie felt as though her heart had stopped. Sian had been with someone else. Not that Sophie had thought that would never happen, but she definitely didn't want to imagine it. ''You… you've had a boyfriend.'' It wasn't a question, but merely the Brunette saying it out loud, why, she didn't know, maybe it was just to check if she still had a voice. But then a question she wasn't sure she wanted to know the answer to, popped into her head. This was the one thing that Sophie had clung onto for the past few years without Sian. Even if they weren't together, even if the Blonde did end up with someone else, it was the one thing that made what they had special.

''Have you had a…'' she couldn't bring herself to ask the question out of fear of what the answer would be.

''Girlfriend?'' The Blonde interrupted, her eyebrows raised and a small smirk forming on her lips. She knew exactly what Sophie was thinking, she'd always been able to read the Brunette so easily. Sophie nodded, looking guilty. She knew she had no right to ask the question, but she had to know if Sian had meant it, if her words had still held their promise even after Sophie had hurt her. Seconds passed torturously slow for Sophie as she looked back at the bright blue eyes across from her. ''No.'' Sian finally answered, and Sophie felt like the massive clamp threatening to crush her heart was lifted. ''I told you that day in your granddad's workshop that I didn't think of women, only you… and I told you in my vows to you that you're the only girl I'd ever love. I meant it Soph, I've never even looked at another girl the way I look at you.''

Sophie's mind was in overdrive as she listened to Sian talk. What did it mean now that Sian was sat beside her, telling her she loved her? Did she want to get back together? The thought made her heart beat even faster, and she shuffled slightly closer to the older girl.

''Sian, I…'' She'd imagined this moment so many times, having the opportunity to see the Blonde again, apologise, plead her case, but now that she was right there getting the chance, not a single one of those practiced lines came to her mind. She'd missed Sian so much over the past four years, seeing her face every day, talking with her, her infectious giggle, the feeling of cuddling up next to her at night, her kisses. Sian, in Sophie's opinion, had the most perfect lips ever created, they were so soft and had always felt so right when they were pressed against her own.

The memory of their first kiss suddenly entered Sophie's mind. She'd been so mad at Sian that day for believing Ryan over her, but the moment that Sian had walked into her room with tears in her eyes, Sophie wanted nothing more than to wrap her in her arms, and she had. Then when Sian had shouted at her over her scrubbing off the henna tattoo she'd gotten with her, Sophie's stomach had flipped at the words she'd uttered. ''You're more important to be than any lad…''

Their eyes had locked and without thinking Sophie had leant in slowly, glancing at the Blonde, to make sure she wasn't out of line in doing so. Sian hadn't moved away though, so taking that as a positive sign, she'd closed the gap and pressed their lips together. And that's when she'd first thought it, that the Blonde had such soft lips. When she pulled away, she'd glanced between the Blonde's eyes, and felt her warm breath mixing with her own. It had been both of them who had leaned in the second time, pressing their lips slightly harder together, but only for a few seconds before Sian had freaked and ran out of the house, ignoring Sophie's calls for her to wait.

Sophie had been devastated when she'd gone to see her in Southport and Sian had basically ended their friendship, not wanting to even try to talk about what had happened. For the entire week that followed, she'd been the grumpiest she could ever remember up to that point and didn't even want to leave the house, until Rosie had pretty much forced her out the door to go on that date with Ryan's friend, Lee. Sure he was a nice enough lad, but it wouldn't have mattered if he was a prince at that point, because all she could think about was Sian.

When she had walked round the corner and saw Sian sat on that bench, on _their_ bench, a smile had instantly spread across her face. After that, they'd spent as much time together as possible and when Sian's mum agreed to let her stay with her dad until after her exams, they were together almost every waking minute.

The Blonde had been there during almost every single happy moment of Sophie's life during the two years they were together, having been the cause of most of them. When it got to some of the worst times that Sophie had to face, her mum's cancer, the two of them running away together when people first found out about them, her dad's cheating, her own accident falling from the church roof, her failing in college, Kevin's money being stolen by the fake charity. Sian had been there through every single one of those things and she'd always tried to make things easier for her even when the younger girl was being stubborn as usual, and even when she was being completely unreasonable. She was there to support Sophie, she hadn't been afraid to tell her the truth and tell her when she was wrong, willing to argue with the Brunette when no one else cared enough to do so.

''Soph?'' The Brunette was broken from her thoughts by Sian's voice. The Blonde was still watching her, waiting for her to say something. ''Are you okay?''

God, how could she be so sweet after what Sophie did, after she'd hurt her the way she had. She expected that if she ever did get to see Sian again, that the Blonde would be angry with her, that she'd scream and shout at her, tell her how much she hated her and never wanted to see her again. But instead, there she was, looking at her with concern in her eyes and asking if Sophie was okay.

''I don't deserve your caring or forgiveness.'' She stated, causing the Blonde to frown slightly. ''But you have to know, Sian, I never ever meant to hurt you. I was stupid and selfish and I wanted to be with you all the time, but you were too busy and _she_was just… there.'' She refused to say the girl's name, the name of the person that played her and was the person other than herself she blamed for everything that happened.

''It's not like I was having fun, I was going college, trying to do well, for us Sophie! I wanted a future with you, and I thought that's what you wanted as well.''

''I did, I do.'' If there was one thing Sophie knew, it was what she wanted her future to be and who she wanted it to be with.

''Well you had a funny way of showing it!'' Sian's voice was getting louder as she found it more difficult to hold in her feelings over what had happened. ''You accused me of seeing some other girl when I was on holiday with my mum…'' she stated as she placed her hand against her own chest. ''And then first chance you get, you're off snogging the face off the street slapper!'' Sian hadn't come here to argue with Sophie, but whenever she imagined her being with Amber, she couldn't help but feel angry.

''It didn't mean anything, she meant nothing to me.''

''Oh well that just makes it all better then doesn't it. You destroyed everything we had, for someone that meant nothing to you?!''

All the feelings that Sophie had felt back then, came flooding back to her. This is what she knew she deserved, and if she was honest, she was kind of relieved it was finally happening. Of course they'd argued when Sian had found out, but then she had disappeared in her mum's car and that was the last time Sophie had seen her, never getting the chance to talk about what had actually happened.

''I can understand that you still hate me, I just wan-''

''I don't hate you.'' Sian frowned. ''I never did… but what you did, really hurt me and I was angry and I wanted to hurt you too.'' She stood up from the sofa, Sophie's eyes following her immediately in concern that she may be about to leave. Instead, the older girl stood looking down at her own hands as she fidgeted with her fingers, like she did whenever she got nervous. ''Look, I know it's been four years, but I never got over you and honestly, I don't know if I ever will.'' Sophie was stunned into silence, wondering if she was dreaming, or if Sian _had_ actually just told her she wasn't over her. Sure, she had said earlier that she loved her, but people say that you never really stop loving your first love. But for her to say she wasn't actually over her, that meant she still wanted something more, right?

Sophie stood up from the sofa so she was in front of Sian before she spoke. ''I've not even thought about getting over you. You're the only person I will ever love Sian, whether you're stood here in front of me, or ten thousand miles away on the other side of the world, you're the one, you've always been the one.''

Tears fought their way to the front of Sian's eyes and Sophie wanted to just reach out and pull her into a hug, but held back from doing so, in fear that it might not be received well by the girl who was clearly still hurting from her past actions.

''I wanted you to come after me, to tell me not to go, that you still wanted me.''

''I did, I ran after you and begged you to stay, and you still drove away Sian.''

''You'd just made a fool of me in front of our families and friends. I couldn't stand to stay in the street, but I thought you'd follow me. I wanted you to still want me, and prove it to me.''

Sophie finally stepped closer, one hand reaching out and gently gripping Sian arm just above the elbow as she tugged her closer as the Blonde's deep blue eyes stared back at her. ''I always wanted you Sian, I still do. But if you knew the things I'd done…'' Sophie looked down, she couldn't stand to possibly see the hurt in Sian's eyes when she told her how she'd behaved since they'd been apart. ''I-''

''I don't care.'' Sophie's head shot up to look back at Sian, trying to work out if she meant that. ''It's been four years Sophie, do you really think I came here to argue with you?''

''Why did you come?'' Sophie really didn't know the answer. If she was honest, she never expected to see Sian again, not if it had been the Blonde's choice anyway.

''Isn't that obvious?''

''Not to me.'' Sophie shook her head lightly.

''To get you back.'' Sian stepped even closer to Sophie, taking both of Sophie's hands in her own. ''You've always been mine… we belong together Soph.'' Lifting their hands up in front of them, she entwined their fingers, before lowering them again so they swung between them.

''Are you serious?'' Sophie choked out, tears blurring her vision as they fell down her cheeks. Sian moved one hand up and gently swept her thumb over the Brunette's cheek, causing her to close her eyes, as she wiped away her tears.

''You always said you could tell everything just from looking in my eyes… so you tell me.'' She kept eye contact with Sophie, letting her easily find the sincerity in them.

''Am I going to wake up in a second?'' Sophie asked feeling like everything that was happening was a dream. Sian smiled and leaned in, placing a soft kiss on the Brunette's cheek before she whispered in her ear.

''When you next wake up, I'll be right next to you.'' Sophie leaned back, looking into the older girl's eyes, not sure if she heard correctly. ''I don't mean like that, not yet anyway. I just thought maybe we could lie together… it's just been so long and I want to feel close to you, please?''

Sophie swallowed hard. There wasn't even the slightest chance of her not agreeing to that suggestion. She couldn't think of anything she wanted more at that moment, than to feel close to the Blonde again. She'd missed the feeling of having her in her arms for the past four years, and she would have given anything if she thought she could have that back.

''I'd like that.'' Sophie looked down to their connected hands and fiddled with Sian's fingers. She hadn't felt this way when speaking to a girl in years, nervous. ''Now?'' she asked, getting a smile from Sian in return.

''Maybe we could just sit for a while.'' Sian replied as she nodded back in the direction of the sofa. ''Watch some tv or something for a bit, like we used to.'' Sophie felt a warm fuzzy feeling spread through her at the Blonde's words, and she let go of one of her hands, keeping their other linked as she led her to the sofa. Sophie hadn't done this since Sian had left, she hadn't spent any time with any of the girl's she'd been with other than in the bedroom, and she never saw any of them more than once to even give them a chance.

She gestured for Sian to sit down, and watched as the Blonde did so, kicking off her shoes and tucking her feet underneath herself as she always used to do, before she looked back up at the Brunette. ''You not sitting down then?'' she asked.

''No, I mean yeah, I just wasn't sure if…'' Sophie shook her, stopping herself before she started over-thinking the situation, and she placed herself next to Sian, who automatically moved closer to her. Sophie grabbed the tv remote and switched the tv on, flicking through the channels not able to settle on anything.

''What did you wana watch?'' she asked, as she shuffled slightly in her seat.

''Hmm, something… funny.'' Sian replied as she grabbed Sophie's hand and wrapped the Brunette's arm around her shoulder as she leaned into her side and rested her hand on her stomach. She felt Sophie's stomach muscles tense at her touch, which only made her want to run her fingers over them more, but she managed to stop herself. The Brunette had always had an amazing figure, but by the feel of it, she'd been working out over the past four years, and it was clearly paying off, only she dreaded thinking too much about how she got her work outs, so she decided on to dwell on it. ''This okay?'' Sian asked, gesturing to where her hand was. ''If it makes you uncomfortable…'' She went to remove her hand again, but was stopped by Sophie's hand on top of her own.

''No, don't… I just didn't expect it, but it's… nice.'' She took her hand back again and flicked the channel to The Big Bang Theory, remembering when the series had first started, that it had been one of her favourite things for them to watch together, so she could listen to the Blonde's cute giggle all the way through each episode.

''I love this.'' Sian stated, and Sophie could almost hear the smile on the Blonde's face even though she couldn't see it.

''I know.'' She whispered, as the Blonde snuggled further into her side and Sophie tightened her hold around her, as she placed a soft kiss on top of Sian's head, before resting her chin there and feeling the older girl's fingers scrap lightly over the material covering her stomach. The action made Sophie's skin tingle, and she couldn't help but be slightly turned on. Now wasn't the time for that though, so she shook the thoughts from her head and settled to watch the tv.

They sat watching tv in silence apart from the Blonde's occasional giggle that Sophie couldn't help but join in with. A couple of hours later, they were still in the same position, and Sophie shifted herself in her seat slightly hearing a slight grown from the Blonde. Looking down, she saw Sian's eyes closed, and smiled when she noticed her grip on her top. She used to always do that when she fell asleep next to her, almost to make sure she was there.

''Sian.'' Sophie whispered, as she nudged her lightly with the arm she still had wrapped around her. ''Wake up, Babe.'' The affectionate name slipping easily from her lips.

''Mmm…'' The Blonde groaned. ''I'm not ready to leave yet Soph.'' Sophie smiled as she brushed a piece of hair out of Sian's face and tucked it behind her ear.

''I just thought you'd be comfier in bed.'' The Blonde's eyes flickered open slowly, squinting in the light as she focused on the girl looking down to her.

''In bed huh?''

''To sleep I mean.'' Sophie added quickly. A small smirk tugged at Sian's lips. She was still half asleep, but couldn't help but find the Brunette's nervousness cute.

''I'm actually pretty comfy here.'' She wrapped her arm around Sophie's waist and buried her face into her neck, breathing in the familiar scent. She still smelt exactly the same as she remembered. She placed her lips against Sophie's skin, just resting them there but not actually kissing her and heard the Brunette's breath hitch at the contact.

Sophie was sure that Sian should be able to feel her pulse racing from where her lips were against her neck. This was the last position she had expected to be in when she'd woken up that morning, not that she was complaining.

''Did you want me to move?'' Sian mumbled against her skin, the vibrations sending a shiver down Sophie's spine.

''Never.'' It was said quietly, but the sincerity in her voice was heard loud and clear by the Blonde who smiled as she drifted back to sleep.


End file.
